Two Daily Choices: Be Grateful or Be Grumbly?

It's days like these (when I'm desperately trying to choke back the complaining and frustration) that I'm confronted with two choices: to be grateful for my blessings or to grumble about my losses. In fact, I'm given the same two choices each day. Typically, the choice isn't nearly so apparent...and typically, I choose the latter without even making a lame attempt at the former.

The street and TWO cars are buried under the tree debris.

Late last night, a storm ripped through town. A similar storm had ripped through town the night before, but this one sounded louder and more aggressive. Standing on our front porch in the midst of 70-mph winds, we were horrified to get glimpses of our cars covered by toppled, full-size trees. The power was out (estimated wait was 16-32 hours). The kids were scared. My mind was reeling of the insurance nightmare before me.


After less than three hours sleep, we were up with the morning sun to assess damages. The street was blocked by not one, but two full-sized trees that had fallen from the house across the street onto our cars. I couldn't help but laugh when street crews put up "road closed" signs on either side of the street...as if the tree debris wasn't clue enough for poor, unsuspecting drivers.


After fighting with the insurance company to get us into rentals and starting the inane claim filing process, I couldn't help but get more and more overwhelmed at the uphill battle to replace all our "stuff." But that's just what it is - STUFF.


Our house, thankfully, withstood the awful storm (and trees). Our family was protected. No one was hurt. (Clearly our sense of humor was left intact, when my husband found yesterday's mail in the destroyed mailbox that ironically held two pieces of junk mail from dealerships and mail from our trusty auto insurance company.) We have terrific neighbors who jumped into to help with the clean-up and stopped by to check on us all day. Oh, and our power? It came back on within a few hours...that's more than I can say for my neighbors who are STILL without power.


So, that's our daily choice: be grateful or be grumbly. For today, I'm making a minute-by-minute choice to be grateful. And as I type this, I realize that I could make days more positive if I consistently make this choice - even on frustrating days. It would increase my productivity, make me nicer mommy to my children, and maybe even accomplish more on the homefront before my husband comes home from work.

Digital Age - whaaaaat?

With school about to start up again, I've been inundated with numerous back-to-school dates and activities - some with kids and some without - from two different schools. Between these dates plus additional meetings and deadlines and my husband's schedule, it was starting to get ridiculously out of hand.

Since my previous scheduling mishaps post, I've been maintaining three (that's right, THREE) calendars: my trusty Franklin Covey planner, a family digital calendar (which my husband never checks) and a monthly low-tech dry erase calendar (that currently reads JUNE). But marking activities in THREE spots is starting to become a job of its own.

Even though it feels a bit disloyal to my trusty Franklin Planner, I'm now using my smartphone to track all meetings and dates. In one moment, it syncs to my Outlook calendar and allows my husband (when he checks it) to see meetings, dance class, violin lessons all in one location.

I'm not sure when I'll be ready to give up my Franklin Habit, since my love relationship with a planner pre-dates my husband and I's relationship...but for now, it feels good to have all dates in one place. Plus, automatically backs up and syncs to several locations.

Jacket on! / Jacket off!

I'm certain all parents struggle with getting their children to pick up their coats/shoes/hats/socks/toys/what have you. In our household, it's fairly typical day when I'm asking my kids to pick up their _______ [coats/shoes/hats/socks/toys].

My five-year-old daughter has become very good at cleaning up and helping. In fact, she gets very excited about getting to help. (Oh, how I wish I had her enthusiasm for cleaning.) My son, on the other hand, does not share his sister's motivation for tidiness, nor does he even have such desire. I understand this is partly due to maturity, partly due to gender, and partly due to temperament.

A few nights ago, I was griping on my facebook status that I was sick and tired of picking up all the extraneous kid objects strewn from front door to back door, upstairs to downstairs. I remember having a similar gripe not long after watching the Karate Kid (the new Jackie Chan version) and wanting to have my son do a similar task - "Jacket on! Jacket off!" 



So, the next day when we came home from school, I ventured to do JUST that. Sophia thought it was a new game ("Mom, I love the new game!"). But she got bored and went to go play. Aidan, the target of this lesson, was not thrilled to stay and play. But I think he eventually learned his lesson. Only time will tell.

Scheduling Mishaps

Last fall, in my attempt to be more organized, I ambitiuosly bought a calendar whiteboard and added my schedule, my kids' activities and my husband's work schedule - all cutesily color-coded, too. It worked great - while it lasted. It's still quietly hanging in my dining room, mostly forgotten, with DECEMBER's activities cheerily posted on it.

In the meantime, I've tried a more electronic means to organize our calendar: Mobile Me, Google Calendars, Outlook. But nothing seems to be working.

Last night, my husband came home with his schedule for the next few weeks - he's in training at his new job. With my morning cup of coffee, I'm trying to figure out what to do next. I updated his google calendar, so at least I have something useful for when I schedule meetings. But this is getting incredibly complicated.

My kids do NOT participate in very many activities, but this scheduling thing is becoming more difficult to maintain. All of my reading about effectivness seems to imply that handling the same pieces information numerous times is  inefficient. It also seems rather time consuming to maintain several calendars - a whiteboard, an electronic one, my personal planner.

I'm open to suggestions. I'm curious what works for YOUR family.

Bad case of the Mondays...

Some days just don't go as planned. And Mondays seem exceptionally prime for errors. Today, was a long, drawn-out struggle with my exhausted, whiny, irrationally inconsolable three-year-old son.

It started off as any other typical day - get breakfast, get dressed, get out the door. We were even running ahead of schedule. And for the record, running ahead of schedule on a Monday is a GIANT win.

But whining ensued and eventually took over the day. After all the fits, he lost his privilege of watching his newest favorite show: How to Train a Dragon. This caused more crying fits. Then, I insisted he take a nap after he ate lunch. More screaming, crying fits. He got in trouble because he wouldn't stay in his room. Even more fits. It just continued to escalate as the day progressed (or regressed).

I was so relieved to hear my husband's keys in the door tonight. He was even making dinner - hotdogs for the kids and brauts for us. (I knew I loved that man.)

Days like these leave me struggling to find the positives. But they exist.

1. I'm thankful that these days are so few. It's rare that I have days like this that involve a long drawn-out battle like this with my kids.
2. I'm grateful that I have a partner who I can "tag" into this wrestling match of a day. His fresh perspective yields a patience that I lost somewhere along the way. Even after a long day at work, he's happy to jump in and help.
3. I'm relieved to know that my son is happily snoring away in his room.
4. My family is incredibly blessed - my biggest complaint today was that my son had a poor attitude. Just one quick perusal of the daily news is enough to know there are a lot of people out there with much more important concerns. My temporary bad day is so small in scale.

So, as irritating as a Monday can be, I'm glad that tomorrow is TUESDAY. I'm nearly certain it'll be a much better day.

Stealing a few quiet moments during the day

Here's something they never tell you in parenting manual (oh, there IS no such manual by the way): how you'll do just about anything for a few quiet moments of peace and calm. Or that it's uncanny how much your kids grow up to behave much like you.

I never imagined I'd be sneaking off to the bathroom to take a few moments to read a magazine or a couple of pages from a book - just to have some quiet. What's even more surprising is how frustrated my kids become the instant the door shuts.

Thinking back on my childhood, it's only fair. My own mother used to sit in the bathroom with the door closed so she could read, have devotionals and quiet time - away from me, the always-chatty, ever-present daughter at her hip. The closed door irritated me and only exacerbated my need to chat. Instead of respecting that boundary, it became my quest to scale it by whatever means possible. As soon as I was able to read/write, I'd slip her annoying notes (I meant them as love notes, but I don't think that's how they were received) under the door. I'd knock quietly to make some much-needed request for a cookie or a snack. I was relentless.

It's ironic how life cycles through nearly twenty-five years later. My own children can barely stand to have the door shut. And while they're not yet reading/writing, I'm certain that's only a matter of time before they start slipping me notes (or texting me).

I now have a deep, intimate understanding why Mom took a few minutes alone - to sit silently and enjoy a few moments of calm in the middle of the day. And why shouldn't she have? She devoted every other minute of her day to her family's well being. Stealing just a moments away was what she needed. And it's exactly what I need, too.

The somewhat calming force of motherhood

I've recently reconnected with an old friend from junior high. (That's right. Way back when, it was called "junior high" not "middle school." Doesn't THAT date me?) We've had lunch a couple of times and she has two boys (9 months, 2 1/2 years old).

When we get together, I can't help but remember how awkward I was as a teenager. I was  high strung, uptight, and could barely relax in my own skin. Nearly fifteen years later, we're both married with children. And it's amazing how much more calm I've become.

I remember complaining often to my mother about the drama and trials of junior high and high school. She wisely would tell me that although it seemed like it won't ever end, "this chapter of your life is such a small portion of the rest of your life. And one day, you'll look back on all this and laugh." Well, wasn't she right? (Who knew she was so smart.)

Before I was a mom, I prayed I would be a calm, relaxed mother (instead of the frantic, paranoid mother I feared I would become). I wanted to be the kind of woman who always seems to maintain her composure even in the midst of chaos. My Type-A, nearly obsessive-compulsive personality made this dream of being a relaxed  mother seem a bit out of reach since I was a clean-freak who needed every item in my home to have its own "home."

Once my daughter was born, something inside of me changed instantly. It was a miracle. It was easier to let the little things go. Keeping my house clean and every little item in place just didn't seem as important to me as it had just days before she was born. And little by little, my anxiety and uptightness seemed to erode into a mellow mom.

It's surprising how motherhood has mellowed me. Sure, I still have my manic moments or anxious hours. But overall, there's a significant shift in my demeanor. My paranoia has all but diminished. My patience has increased so much that it even surprises me at times (not to mention my husband). And after the initial fear of leaving the safety net of the nursing staff at the hospital, my baby and I settled into a routine.

Even though motherhood has its highlights and low points (a baby and a toddler covered from head to toe in Vaseline was a bit of both), I've found it an overwhelming source of joy, confidence, humility and MELLOWNESS. Thank God for answering my prayers for mellowness and patience.