Enjoying Daily Detours

This morning, my husband called and needed a HUGE favor. He'd accidentally forgotten a critical item necessary for work - his NEXTEL. We discussed several scenarios, but eventually decided to meet him halfway to hand-off his extra work phone.

This week is chock-full of appointments, meetings, and field trips. I already had a jam-packed schedule for the day. In order to fit this emergency errand into the schedule, it forced me to bump my gym time. I was frustrated and irritated about having to eliminate my gym time. But good grief. The man has bailed me out of countless situations. He rarely asks for a favor, so I just needed to "get over it." (FYI: This is one of my mother's FAVORITE sayings. I've heard it numerous times over the years. It's posted on the fridge, on her calendar, on her mirror. I'm surprised it's not tattooed on my forehead, considering all the times she's used that phrase with me.)

After I met my husband, I was near one of my favorite stores, but it didn't open for another 30+ minutes. Since my 3-year-old son was STARVING (less than an hour post-breakfast), we dipped into a nearby coffee shop. I bought him a giant chocolate chip cookie - along with my LARGE latte.

As we sat at the coffee shop enjoying our delicious treats, I was surprised at how adventurous I felt. We'd gone completely off-schedule into an entirely new zone: leisure. Typically, I would've ruined the time with a sour attitude (mourning the loss of my gym time and the interruption to my day). But instead, we had a few  moments to just linger and enjoy. I patiently sipped my coffee while he happily chomped away at his giant cookie. I marveled at his developing sense of humor as we people watched.

I also had the stark realization that in less than 18 short months, both of my preschoolers will be in school full-time. The opportunities for these impromptu, one-on-one moments will nearly vanish.

I doubt he'll even remember this day, but I won't forget this sweet, precious moment together. And even though I didn't get my heart-rate up at the gym, I'm fairly certain my heart grew this morning.

Realistic expectations

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend who was rushing home from work to relieve her mother who was at her home caring for her sick kids. She said, "I left the house this morning not planning for anyone to BE there. And my house is not in any condition for my mother to be there." Then entire conversation made me laugh because I knew EXACTLY how she felt.

My goal is to leave to have both the kids out the door by 8:15 every morning. But usually, I'm running about 5-10 minutes behind schedule. It's a mad scramble to get to the car. I'm a bit embarassed to admit it, but I leave behind a disastrous mess: my daughter's half-eaten SECOND bowl of cereal (with a few lonely floating Cheerios), my son's demolished single waffle (he hates breakfast) that he'd pushed around for 25 minutes and only eaten three-fourths, my unmade bed, a couple of coffe mugs and half-filled glasses of water. And even though my mother wouldn't mind the least, I would be mortified if she entered my house before I'd had the chance to straighten.

Lunch is the time when I clean up breakfast, empty the dishwasher (and load up whatever dishes are waiting patiently in the sink), pick up the rest of the house...and if I'm felling particularly energetic, I'll prep dinner.

Sometimes, when we're running ahead of schedule, I'll do some clean up before we even leave for school. But I've noticed it takes a lot to get my awfully sluggish self moving in the morning, and it takes significantly longer to do each task. I don't know if it's endorphins or motivation or just a boost of energy I get (my highest functioning hours of the day are from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.), but I can bust through and clean up the house in half the time (or less) later in the day.

I must have realistic expectations and goals for myself. My primary goal is to get OUT the door in the morning. Everything else is secondary. For now - in this preschool stage of life - this is all I can realistically expect in the morning hours. I'm certain this will change as the kids get older and take on more of their own responsibilities and chores. 

It's taken me nearly ten years of marriage to accept things as they are. I'm a perfectionist through and through who's always trying to achieve such high standards that are nearly unattainable without a Martha Stewart-like intensity. (In fact, I used to often be late to things because I couldn't leave the house until every last thing was put in its place.) Setting realistic expectations, guilt-free, is a benchmark of personal growth. I think all too often, I'm motivated solely by motherly guilt, that I miss out on LIFE. Here's a terrific example of guilt-motivated decisions: I've been working a lot lately, so I had the un-novel idea to make homemade valentine's this year for both of my children's preschool class: it took a very long time to stamp, cut, and assemble what would've cost me less than $3 per box at WalMart. 

So, if you come visit my house before lunch, be prepared that it may be a disaster area. (While I'm not exactly proud of the mess, it's nothing I can't clean-up in about 20 motivated minutes.) And after a very long struggle, I'm okay with that.

Find the humor

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post. After having seven snow days, the kids were sick, then I got sick...I found myself losing my sense of humor.

It was beyond a mild cabin fever. A friend's facebook status read, "I'm starting to feel like a caged animal." I wouldn't have been surprised if some of my mommy friends started a riot if we had ANOTHER school day...my outlook was becoming rather bleak.

And it was during this time that I started to notice my children's sense of humor (ironically, I was starting to lose mine during this time frame). My five-year-old daughter is really developing some great comedic timing. 

I've successfully convinced Sophia that she's not a grown-up until she's 30.
"Mom, when I'm 31, can I have my own computer and a phone with games on it?" she asked.
"Yes. But you'll have to buy your own," I told her, barely looking up from my work.
She said, "Well, I'll need more MONEY!"
"Yup. You'll need a job," I stated matter-of-factly.
"......And I can drive a car..." she hesitantly said with a giant smile.

          Wow, I walked right into that one, didn't I?

My husband and I view life differently. He's a Big Picture kinda guy. He communicates his day through headlines and generalities. I'm an analyst, detailing things to an annoying level. And I LIVE in the details-numbers, percentages, action items. My husband is an ever-loving optimist, even to a fault. I know he'd describe me as a pessimist. But I prefer to call myself a realist.

But it's our differing perspectives that provide balance - both to each other and in our home. I have to remember that even though seven snow days+sick kids+sick mom leads me unravelling and running around like Chicken Little shouting the alarm "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" It's really not. Sure, the house might not be as clean as I'd like it. But that's okay. It's about the big picture.

My husband's great at quietly reminding me, "Are the kids going to remember how clean our house was or the time we spent playing with them on the floor?"

And perhaps instead of stopping to smell the roses as the cliché goes, maybe I need to pause and find the humor. There's numerous studies on the benefits of laughing. It reduces stress. A good sense of humor may help stave off dementia in older adults. It enhances the learning environment in the classroom. It improves the immune system. It might even help prevent workplace burnout.

So, find the humor in your day. I aim to find more humor in my everyday life by lightening up my frustrations with work, the house, the kids, the husband. Looking for a place to start? Try viewing life from the perspective of a five-year-old. Life is full of wonderment, adventure, magic...and everything is funny.