Conflict Resolution

This afternoon, my daughter was telling me about her day during lunch. It's difficult to get a real sense of what's happening, since she tells me so very little about school. I've had numerous conversations with her, essentially telling her that I'd really like her to share about her day, since I'm not actually there with her. Generally, I get more than I did last school year. Part of it's maturity, too. My three-year-old son remembers what he had for a snack and who wasn't there. Beyond that, he simply says, "I forgot." And I think for the most part, he's probably right. He probably can't pull that information together out of his mind and make it into a sentence - not yet, anyway.

(That reminds me, one of the other moms was telling me her daughter didn't want to go to school one morning because she didn't know what to do during circle time. I looked at her and said, "Well, you're about five steps ahead of me - what in the world IS circle time?" I spent the next week trying to decipher from Sophia's distracted, cryptic words what happens during circle time with ZERO luck.)

But today, my daughter said that a boy pushed her out of her computer chair. She told him, "Hey, that's not very nice! That's not how we treat people." But he pushed her out anyway. He said something to her but she didn't understand what he said. (The boy is usually nice, but he can be difficult to understand. He's on a waiting list for speech therapy. His mom says that he has a hard time getting people to understand him and has resorted to pushing.)

I asked my daughter if she told the teacher, but she didn't. Apparently the teacher was busy or my daughter didn't feel she needed the help.

"I snuck into the seat later, and he didn't even notice," she said.

I'm so very proud of her. She figured out how to deal with a difficult situation without causing conflict. She's had a few interesting incidents this school year. Her Pre-K class of 12 is comprised of mostly girls - 10 girls, 2 boys. And I was surprised to discover that catty-ness in girls starts YOUNG.

 Earlier this year, she figured out how to deal with a very bossy, slightly bullying girl before I even knew there was any kind of situation. In fact, I didn't discover there was anything wrong until about three weeks after my sweet girl had resolved it. When I asked her about the mean girl, she replied matter-of-factly, "I don't have to do everything she says."

I can't help but be impressed with her conflict resolution skills, her coping mechanisms and her overall sense of confidence. She definitely has her daddy's temperament. (At her age, I would've either been lashing out at the mean kids or crying in the fetal position until my mother rescued me.)  

I think she's onto something, too. Oftentimes, conflict can be resolved without more conflict. And isn't this what we hope for our children? I desire for my children to become confident adults who can deal with the unfairness and disappointments of life while maintaining their own kind of resolve that includes compassionate and empathy for others.

I could learn a lot from my five-year-old. She possesses such a large capacity of empathy for others. Even when she was a toddler, she would attempt to comfort others. (In fact, she became very good as a "sympathetic cryer" in the nursery.) Sophia doesn't get hung up on minor irritations. She's incredibly forgiving. Next time I'm in a difficult situation, I'll have to think about it from her perspective see if there's an alternative solution I haven't yet considered. I'm so impressed with the young woman she's becoming, and I'm privileged to be her mommy.